❶ 不需要太长的，带翻译且要搞笑（注：在英语课前小活动的需要） 谢谢了啊
吝啬鬼请客
admin发布于2010-11-18 19:05 | 367次阅读
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答
A burglar 入室盗窃者
admin发布于2010-11-16 20:28 | 497次阅读
A man went to the police office wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You will get your chance in court. said the Desk Sergeant.
No, no, no. said the man. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years.
一个人来到警察局想和昨天潜入他家偷盗的贼聊聊，警察告诉他说，你在法庭上会有这个机会的。
不，不，不，这个人说，我就是想知道他是如何做到潜入我家并且还能不惊醒我的老婆，我已经努力好多年了都没能做到这点。
❷ 谁有短剧（搞笑点的）
老同学（搞笑校园短剧）
演员：小石头 老干巴 大杂面 小丹
小丹：这不嘛，大学毕业十来年，当年的同学见面都难，有的有钱有的没钱，穷的不把富来奔，富的与穷家也无言。同学情感可不能白费，所以我们今天啊开个同学会，只为交流情感，不在乎喝不喝醉，呵呵。（收拾屋子）
大杂面：小丹呐，你咋还忙活呢，快做饭吧，老同学都快来了。哎，我还得告诉你几句：今天时间也不晚了，记住今天聚会赵卫锋是重点，他现在是辛氏企业的经理，百分百一个大款。咱今天要是把他整高兴了，那咱们就抱住那金饭碗了，哈哈哈哈！
小丹：你怎么那么见钱眼开呢？难道同学之间也要讲钱？
大杂面：小丹你咋这么不懂事呢，同学同学，同样是学生但不一样学习。当年学习不努力，他穷了也不能和咱们生气啊，当年刻苦学习的，他有钱也证明是自己努力。你好比当年的辛井水吧，倒是挺能折腾的，活动参加不少，就是不努力学习，听说毕业就失业了，现在在家种地，你说这是何必。
小丹：人家辛井水怎么也是同学啊，你可不能厚此薄彼啊。
大杂面：啊，对啊，你曾经还和辛井水谈过一段恋爱，怪不得你一直在为他说话呢。你们可别当着我的面情情爱爱，别怪我翻脸让他歇菜！
小丹：你！哼！（生气的下）（大杂面坐下看报纸）
小石头：（接电话）外！我是赵卫锋，哎呀，辛总啊，对来大杂面家开同学会，您放心吧，我一定会把这事办的清清楚楚，明明白白的，好好，再见！
（敲门）开门！
大杂面：来了，你好你是？
小石头：我是赵卫锋！
大杂面：卫锋，哎呀！（拥抱）我想死你了，咱们十年没有见面了吧，我都想四你了！怎么样您母亲还好吗？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您父亲还好吧？
小石头：还好！
大杂面：您家里都好吧？
小石头：还好！
（小丹出来）
小丹：哎呀！小石头啊！
小石头：恩？你是？
大杂面：小石头？哎？这位是赵卫锋赵经理，你怎么能……
小丹：啊，原来是赵经理啊，那你们坐下聊啊！
（赵卫锋手机响，接电话）
小石头：外，辛总啊！什么？好，我马上过去！
老同学，我公司有点事情我得马上过去，好吗？咱们有机会再聚！
（赵卫锋下）
大杂面：完了，完了，他走了，这同学会还开啥了？饺子包了，来人就喝茶吧！
（老干巴上，敲门）
小丹：谁啊？
老干巴：我！
小丹：老干巴？
老干巴：小丹？诶呀吗呀
小丹：诶呀！
大杂面：小丹谁啊？
小丹：老干巴快进来！军言，你看谁来了
大杂面：啊，送煤气罐的吧，放里边吧！
小丹：他好似咱们的老同学老干巴啊
大杂面：老干巴？哪个老干巴啊
老干巴：不认识我了？大杂面？你忘了我，我可记得你呀！
大杂面：我叫张军言不叫大杂面，（不屑的）里面坐吧。
小丹：（拉住老干巴的手）老干巴，现在干啥呢，可挺长时间没有看见你了啊。
老干巴：啊，我那什么……
大杂面：咳！小丹，你去烧点开水去！
老干巴：大杂面！不张军言，你现在干啥啊？
大杂面：呀，也没干啥！就搞几个小项目呗！
老干巴：啥项目啊？
大杂面：啊，没啥，也就是给北极星供暖，把太平洋变浅，克隆一个北朝鲜，再把黑洞填满。
老干巴：诶呀！那你还挺忙啊！
大杂面：呵呵，一般！老同学，那你忙写啥啊都？
老干巴：我跟你比起来差远了，成天净鼓动农作物了。
大杂面：（骄傲的）那也行，一年也能对付个一两千！
老干巴：哪能啊，一年也就八九百——万！
大杂面：啊，八九百？万？不是我说你老干巴，你跟我你吹啥啊？啊，咱们当年都农村出来的，谁不知道一年挣多少啊，啊？你有啥困难到我这你装啥啊，我也不是不能帮你。我这现在家业好几十万，光自行车我就好几个。等会你把那个89年的推走吧，没事别老走着多累，骑去呗！
老干巴：恩，我没走着！
大杂面：骑倒骑驴啊？那玩意更累疼，还不如自行车呢！
老干巴：不是……
（小丹上）
小丹：你们唠啥呢？来喝水！
大杂面：小丹，把咱们家那些破衣服啥的给老干巴拿走点，买衣服太贵了。
小丹：哎！
（小丹拿出一件衣服）
大杂面：你拿那不我的衣服吗？
小丹：那你不说给老干巴吗？
大杂面：我说你塞暖气空子里那几件！
小丹：那还能穿吗？
大杂面：老干巴他还能嫌咱们呐？
老干巴：没事，老同学嘛，永远都是老同学！
小丹：老干巴，还没有吃饭吧？
大杂面：啧！人家老干巴还能不吃饭？再说咱家菜油太大，老干巴能吃惯吗？回头再拉肚子可咋整。给老干巴包几个馒头拿走，人家老干巴没准还有急事呢！
小丹：张军言，你是不是有点过分了？
老干巴：那什么，没事，小丹，军言你们忙着啊，我先走了！
（赵卫锋敲门）
大杂面：这又是谁啊？这个闹停！
（开门）
大杂面：诶呀！卫锋！诶呀，你可想死我了，太好了，小丹快炒菜，今天别走了啊，就在这住！
小石头：不的了，我们懂事长在这吧？
大杂面：懂事长？没有啊！
老干巴：（过来）小石头，事情办妥了？
小石头：辛哥，办妥了，外商直接就拨款2000万！
老干巴：好，咱们走吧！
大杂面：辛哥！诶呀，我想死你了！太好了，小丹快去买海鲜，辛哥，今天别走了，我给你定酒店！诶呀，快给辛哥泡龙井啊，这破衣服你又翻出来干啥呀？辛哥，快坐下！
老干巴：军言……
大杂面：辛哥你还是叫我大杂面亲切！
老干巴：你还记得自己曾经叫大杂面？你记得你这个名字怎么来的吗？
大杂面：当然记得，小的时候家里穷，我每天都带一个玉米面上学，同学们都叫我大杂面，但是没有一个人瞧不起我，他们都来帮助我！
老干巴：那时候我每天都带一个糖馒头上学，每次都用馒头换你的杂面吃。不是我爱吃杂面，而是我想让你知道，世界上除了钱之外，还有情感存在！军言，对辛懂事长你就可以请海鲜，住酒店，对老干巴你就连多呆一会你都不愿意吗？老同学老同学，就算我们再有钱，也不能忘记了曾经的老同学啊！
大杂面：老干巴！呜——
（音乐响起）
~~~
Old classmates (art campus drama)
Cast: small stone on the old Dan Zamian big Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Xiao-Dan: This is not just after graating from university 10 years, was difficult to meet students, and some money some money and the poor to the rich not to Ben, rich and poor families also speechless. Emotional students can not wasted, so we ah open a classmate, only for the exchange of emotion, do not care to drink do not get drunk, huh. (Packing house)
Big Zamian: small Dan diploma, you also spent yesterday, it quickly cooking it, the old classmates come. Hey, I must tell you a few words: This time is not too late to remember gather today Wei-feng is the key, he is now the manager of Hsin Enterprise, a wealthy 100%. Our whole today if he was happy, then Let's cling on the golden rice bowl, You You!
Xiao-Dan: So how do you money eyes? Do students have also say money?
Big Zamian: small Dan night so you do not know anything, the students students, but students are not the same as learning. Then learning sleep, he can not and the poor Let angry ah, that assious study, he also proved to be money of their own. You like it then Xin Well, it is quite able to disruption, and to participate in many activities that sleep study, we heard that graate unemployment, now at the land, you say this is why.
Xiao-Dan: Well how are people Xin students ah, ah, you can be partial.
Big Zamian: ah, ah, you have also talked about a period of well water and Xin love, no wonder you have been in it for him to speak. You can not face the situation in front of my love love, I decide to let him Bieguai Xiecai!
Xiao-Dan: You! Sing! (Angry the next) (sit down and look at the newspapers Zamian)
Small stones: (phone),! I Zhao Feng, wow, Xin total ah, home to a large Zamian students, you rest assured it, I will definitely do this clearly, out-and-out, well, good-bye!
(Knock on the door) open the door!
Big Zamian: come here, you Hello, yes?
Small stone: I was visiting front!
Big Zamian: Wei-feng, wow! (Hug) I think you die, Let's not 10 years to meet the bar, I want to 4 you! How kind your mother also okay?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your father also OK?
Small stone: okay!
Big Zamian: Your home is OK?
Small stone: okay!
(Dan small out)
Xiao-Dan: Ah! Small stone ah!
Small stone: TU? You yes?
Zamian large: small stone? Hey? This is Wei-feng Diaojingli, how can you……
Xiao-Dan: ah, it was Diaojingli ah, then you sit down and chat about ah!
(Wei-feng cellphone, the phone)
Small stone:, Xin total ah! What? , And I immediately past!
Old classmates, some things my company I immediately past, okay? We both have the opportunity to Zaiju!
(Wei-feng under)
Big Zamian: finished, finished, gone, it will also open啥students? Dumplings package,来人on tea!
(Thelephora ganbajun Zang old, the knock on the door)
Xiao-Dan: Shuie?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: small Dan? Ah ah long period of time?
Xiao-Dan: long period of time!
Big Zamian: Dan Shui A small?
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang coming fast! Army statement, you see who is going to the
Big Zamian: ah, it sent the gas tank, put inside!
Xiao-Dan: We both like his old classmates old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang? Which old ah Thelephora ganbajun Zang
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: I do not know? Zamian big? You forgot me, and I recalled you!
Big Zamian: My name is Zhang statement is not big Zamian, (disdain) sitting inside it.
Xiao-Dan: (attraction to the old hands Thelephora ganbajun Zang) Thelephora ganbajun Zang old now abide by relevant regulations, it could be quite a long time no see you ah.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: ah, that what I……
Big Zamian: cough! Xiao-Dan, you point to burn to the water!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Large Zamian! Zhang Jun and not words, you abide by relevant regulations ah?
Big Zamian: ah, did not abide by relevant regulations! To engage in a few small projects hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang:啥project ah?
Big Zamian: ah,没啥, that is, to Polaris heating, the Pacific shallow, a North Korean cloning, and then fill the black hole.
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: long period of time! Futingmanga you!
Big Zamian: Oh, General! Old classmates, then you are busy writing Shae?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: I tell you far worse than up, Narita net instigated the crops.
Big Zamian: (pride) that also, a year can deal with a 2000!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: How could ah, it Bajiu year - 10,000!
Big Zamian: ah, Bajiu? 10,000? Nilao Thelephora ganbajun Zang is not what I said, you told me you blow Shae? Ah, let out that all rural areas, who do not know how many ah-earning year, ah? You wield difficult to me with Shae you, I can not help you. I am now possessions hundreds of thousands, light bike, I like a few. , And so will you put that 89 Selection走吧, nothing more than another tired old walk, ride to hymns!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: TU, I did not walk!
Big Zamian: riding inverted Qilv ah? Nawanyi pain more tired than a bike?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: No……
(On the small Dan)
Xiao-Dan: Do you these chats about normal, Shane? To drink!
Big Zamian: small Dan, Let's break those clothes home to the old啥Thelephora ganbajun Zang away, too expensive to buy clothes.
Xiao-Dan: hey!
(Dan show a small clothing)
Zamian large: that you do not take my clothes?
Xiao-Dan: Then you do not say that to the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang?
Big Zamian: I said you Cypriot Heating empty yard that few!
Xiao-Dan: It can wear?
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang He also suspected Let diploma?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: nothing, just old classmates, old classmates are forever!
Xiao-Dan: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang, no dinner?
Big Zamian: Ze! Thelephora ganbajun Zang old people can not eat? Say too much anymore vegetable oil, used to eat Thelephora ganbajun Zang old? Zezheng diarrhea can be back again. To the old-Thelephora ganbajun Zang took several steamed bread, old people Thelephora ganbajun Zang chances are emergencies?
Xiao-Dan: Zhang Yan, you are not a bit too much?
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: What then, nothing, small Dan, the military statement you busy ah, I am ahead!
(Wei-feng knocked at the door)
Zamian large: This is Shuie? This闹Stop!
(Open)
Zamian large: long period of time! Wei-feng! Ah long period of time, you can die, I would like to, very good, small cooking Dan fast today Biezou the ah, in this live!
Small stone: not at all, we Dongshichang in this?
Big Zamian: Dongshichang? No ah!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: (from) small stone, things get?
Small stone: Xinge, complete, direct foreign funding to 20 million!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Well, let走吧!
Big Zamian: Xinge!诶ah, I wanted to die you! Very good, small buy seafood Dan fast, Xinge, Biezou today, I will give you the hotel!诶ah, soon to Xinge bubble Longjing ah, broken up by the clothes you abide by relevant regulations ah? Xinge, sit down fast!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Army statement……
Big Zamian: Xinge you still ask me to the Zamian cordial!
Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang: Do you still remember their own once told the Zamian? You remember how your name to?
Big Zamian: Of course remember, when the small home poorer, every day I go to school with a cornmeal, students都叫I Zamian big, but no one look down on me that they came to help me!
Thelephora ganbajun Zang old: every day when I take a sugar buns to school, every time you change the Zamian steamed bread to eat. Zamian is not my favorite, but I want you to know that the world apart from the money, there are emotional existence! Army statement on the symplectic Dongshichang you can please seafood, live hotels, the old Thelephora ganbajun Zang you will be an even多呆you do not want to? Your old classmate old classmates, even if we have money again, we can not forget the old students, who ah!
Big Zamian: Old Thelephora ganbajun Zang! Ming --
(Music sounded)
❸ 提示词：at first,find in difficult,make mistakes,with
提示：图片不太清晰！学霸们无法解答。下次提问要注意图片质量哦。
❹ 把图片中的短文打出来，段落清晰
I was glad to hear from Rosemary. I know Rosemary is dying to hear all about my life here. I will tell her about them with the help of the photos in the letter.
First, my high school is a bush school and the conditions are very poor, for there is no electricity or water even no textbooks.
Secondly, it's really difficult for me to get to know the local people because I don't speak much of the local English dialect yet. Luckily, Tombe could act as our interpreter. However, last weekend another teacher and I did visit a village which is the home of one of the boys. All the villagers are very friendly to us.
Although I was very tired after the visit, I was very glad. It was such a privilege to have spent a day with Tombe's family.
❺ 英语幽默搞笑短文
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
第一次坐飞机
约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。
他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。
过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”
“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”
A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
钉子还是苍蝇？
一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。
于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。
这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
热与冷
蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”
“可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法语里代表‘热’。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”
“等等，”那位顾客咆哮一声，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”
“当然，”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”
Imitate Birds
A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the procer.
"Imitate birds," the man said.
"Are you kidding?" answered the procer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."
"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window.
模仿鸟儿
一个人想在一个舞台剧中找份工作。“你能干什么呢？”负责人问。
“模仿鸟儿，”那人说。
“你在开玩笑吧？”负责人答道，“那样的人一毛钱可以找一打。”
“噢，那就算了。”那名演员说着，展开翅膀，飞出了窗口。
How Did You Ever Get Here
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
你是怎样来的？
一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”
老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎样到这里来的？”
“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”
Keep the Change
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.
零钱不用找了
在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。
我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条林荫道上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in."
最好的奖赏
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何都能酬谢他。
“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
A Mistake
An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peterexplained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞错了
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
Imitation
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
模 仿
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。“来，坐下，吃点点心，”妈妈说，“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。”
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
“你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，”他那聪明的儿子说，“里面装点东西，就会好的。”
Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said. "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replyed, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"
睡前祷告词
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“上帝，求求你，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
妈妈打断她的话说：“朱莉叶，为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”
朱莉叶回答道：“因为我在地理考卷上是这样写的。”
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
势均力敌
有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”
这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。
令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!
Class and Ass
Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: "Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today."
A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the "c".
Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the "l".
班和笨驴
格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不见他的班级。”
一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”(lass：姑娘)。
后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”(ass：笨驴)。
❻ 句子翻译The boy isn’t _____ such a difficult problem by himself.
The boy isn't old enough to deal with such ....
这个是完全没有问题的。
关于solve
你这个写法也是没有问题的。对！
只是第一种写法更加常见。
solve [sɔlv]
v. 解答(难题),解决
vt. 解答,解决
查找solve相关网页 查看solve图片 更多相关内容▼查找网络网页
查看网络图片
查看维基网络
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例句与用法:
Something is bound to happen one way or another to end the conflict or solve the problem.
事情一定以某种方式发生以结束冲突或解决难题。
I think I can solve the problem.
我想我能解决这问题。
It was clever of you to solve the problem.
你能解答那个问题真是聪明。
Our professor is too capable not to solve this difficult problem.
我们教授非常有才干，必定能解决这一难题。
It's a problem of such perplexity that it was impossible to solve.
那是个复杂得无法解决的问题。
The greatest scholar cannot solve this difficult problem.
再伟大的学者也没有办法解答这个难题吧。
I can't solve the problem.
我解答不了这个难题。
❼ 疯狂猜成语，看图猜成语，成语玩命猜话不两个字答案
疯猜猜成语游戏中一个图片很搞笑，上面写了一个虎字。面明在虎字的外面还画了三个小人，每个人都用力在推这个虎字。这个图正确答案是什么呢?下面好特小编来为大家做详细介绍。 看图猜成语一个虎字外面有三个人在推图片答案是：三人成虎 三个人谎报城市里有老虎，听的人就信以为真。比喻说的人多了，就能使人们把谣言当事实。 【出自】：《战国策·魏策二》：“夫市之无虎明矣，然而三人言而成虎。” 【语法】：复句式;作分句;含贬义
❽ 游戏惩罚搞笑有趣的有哪些
游戏惩罚方法一：简单初级
角色扮演：要扮演一个角色，全票认为通过才能算惩罚结束。撒娇：请选一名异性，一边捶他（她）的肩膀一边娇羞地说：“哎哟， 你好讨厌哦！”情歌对唱：找在场的一位异性，现场演绎情歌对唱。注意：别忘了深情的对视哦。
游戏惩罚方法三：变态高级
钢管舞：请选一名异性做钢管，并绕着他（她）跳钢管舞。请跳肚皮舞，至少持续10秒。屁股写字：主持人告诉被罚者数字，然后被罚者双手放在腰上，同时扭动屁股，就像用手在空中比划一样把数字写出来，一边扭，还要一边摇头晃脑的陶醉状，直到观众认出是什么数字为止哟。
❾ 谁有这张图的高清大图!
我能找到最大规格并且没有水印的就是1088*840
你可以留邮箱，我发给你。 或者直接搜网络图片“Landscape with Dancing Figures” 第一张就是 右键图片另存为 就可以。
《Landscape with Dancing Figures》 by Claude Lorrain
作者和作品详细介绍（英文）:
CLAUDE LORRAIN (b. 1600, Chamagne, d. 1682, Roma) Landscape with Dancing Figures (The Mill) 1648 Oil on canvas, 150,6 x 197,8 cm Galleria Doria-Pamphili, Rome In the 1640s Claude proced many of his most ambitious pictures, such as the two versions of the Landscape with Dancing Figures (sometimes called The Mill) in the Galleria Doria in Rome and the National Gallery, London (called The Marriage of Isaac and Rebecca). They are wide in scale and the atmosphere is of broad daylight. There is a complete balance between careful observation of the reality of the Roman Campagna and the need to proce an organized composition. Unfortunately both versions of the picture suffer from a problem afflicting a number of Claude's works, the darkening of the greens in the trees. This gives them a much greater solidity than the artist intended. Moreover, in Claude's later pictures there is also sometimes a fading out of the fugitive yellows he used, which gives the pictures a much stronger bluish hue than he intended. Painted in 1648, these two pictures sum up Claude s mature art. He had arrived at this maturity by degrees, almost imperceptibly, refining and perfecting his technique. He had for many years been drawing from nature almost obsessively, and several hundred of his sensitive and often atmospheric drawings survive. He was therefore able to combine the more naturalistic approach seen in the Ponte Molle of 1645 with an increasing desire to turn the landscape into an idealized world. He had tried dramatic atmosphere in some of his early compositions, and had succeeded with direct sunlight but had not pursued it; but he developed in his later years the soft and subtle light effects which were the most difficult of all to achieve convincingly. As he grew older Claude became even more meticulous, and his pictures never acquired the looseness sometimes seen in the works of painters in their old age, even Poussin. The painting was executed for Prince Pamphili and it is by descent in the Doria-Pamphili family. The painting is included in Liber Veritatis (LV 113). --- Keywords: -------------- Author: CLAUDE LORRAIN Title: Landscape with Dancing Figures (The Mill) Time-line: 1651-1700 School: French Form: painting Type: landscape
希望你满意。